Hey, thanks for coming. It’s really nice of you.
I hope you weren’t looking for recipes or crafts that look all simple and sweet yet are guaranteed to turn out shitty and make you feel wholly inept. Was it parenting advice you were seeking? Because my morning coffee is taken in a “WORLDS OKAYEST MOM” mug, and I swear at parent teacher conferences.
When I was four, I stuffed a pebble that I excavated out of the heel of my jelly shoe up my nose. I don’t know why. I knew it was a terrible idea as I stood at the windowsill, hidden behind the curtain and did it anyway. I ended up at the hospital, strapped to a blue bed as it was professionally extracted with tweezers. I remind myself of this when my kids do things that make me worry I must have permanently impaired them those times I bleached my hair while pregnant. This is probably not the best time to tell you this, but I consider common sense to be one of my strong suits.
I met Bobby, my husband (which is a moniker I apply based on sharing 2 kids, a house, and a cell phone plan as opposed to actual fancy documents) when I moved to Vermont. He still has to see the box of hair dye in the garbage to notice that I’ve touched up my roots, but whatever. I’ll keep him.
The aforementioned children are of the boy and girl flavor, both of whom couldn’t be quiet if you paid them a billion gold dubloons and 17 puppies. They enjoy skateboarding, wearing undergarments on their heads, and hoarding candy. While there is 6 years between them, each rise and sink to the occasions.
In 2009, Bobby discovered (long story short) his father pioneered what would later be dubbed punk rock. An amazing (long story not as short) documentary titled “A Band Called DEATH” is out there in the world waiting for you to watch it. Then I don’t have to make excuses for my kids volume. It’s genetic.
So that’s it. I promise to make you laugh and then we’ll be friends. Unless you litter. Cause that’s just rude.
In addition to what you’ve stumbled upon here, I’m a writer at Notabli (the perfect app for documenting a childhood) and I’m also an occasional contributor at Mamalode and Huffington Post Parents. Find my work right here and follow me here.